cutato.

2011-09-29T01:14:00.002+10:00

This month has been pretty swell! It's also quite the month for birthdays.

Happy Birthday Jaz and Keni! Thank you both for being wonderful ;)

Inspiration Wednesdays 001

2011-09-14T19:56:00.002+10:00

Inspiration. Aspiration. Motivation.

(Writing those three words makes me think that perhaps my play with the concept of 'breathing' is not quite over...)

Probably not something I'll be able to pull off any time soon, but a goal to aim for in the future. It's my aim to create something as beautiful and full of meaning. Simple, but complex, but simple, but not complicated, but deep. That's a horrible sentence. I love layers and depth and this has that remaining unpretentious. I've not-so-recently discovered that I love characters much more than a complex plot. Not that I don't enjoy fancy, well done plots, but it's not something I feel I can achieve. I love being able to relate, developing a relationship with characters and experiencing emotions. Vicarious living, yes please.

Meanwhile, I bought myself a Panasonic Lumix LX5 last night, which could quite possibly be in my hot little hands by tomorrow according to FedEx... Excellent. I have zero ideas as to what my creative project for this weekend will be. If worse comes to worst I shall just use my Manly trip with Whit as an excuse to play around with my new camera (if it comes on time *knocks wood*). Hoping to force myself outdoors a lot more during the mid semester break in attempts to get inspired. And to get moving. Creatively and physically. I need to kick my hermitage out of my system.

not so new project

2011-09-11T22:38:00.002+10:00

Sometimes I sit around feeling sorry for myself. Okay, not really. More like I sit around wishing I had something to show for these 22 years of existing on this earth. Well time to suck it up, sucker. Here's my challenge for you (you, being me—don't ask why I phrased it in such a confusing way, but hey you can participate too if you like and yes I'm talking to you now as in you that is not me talking to myself I'll shh now): Every week set aside some time, even if it's just ten minutes to get inspiration in any way, and then create something. Anything.

Why yes, this is pretty much no different to Project Thing-A-Week, which was a rip off of Thing-A-Day, but it's back with a deeper meaning. What deeper meaning? Okay, so really there isn't one. It just feels more fitting for some reason now that I seem to be battling with my annual What-am-I-doing-with-my-life?! phase.

These phases aren't even actually an annual thing. They're more like quarterly, or even monthly episodes of doubt and unrest as I apparently have a compulsive need to carve out a future set in stone, even though I'm fully aware that this is near impossible given circumstances beyond my control. Whatever. I need to come to terms with the fact that I may never be a straight arrow and learn to enjoy being a curve ball.

So self, just remember, it's okay to not know what you want to do with you life, just as long as you chase something. It doesn't matter what that something is and it doesn't matter if you don't know what that something is yet, just keep trying/going/exploring.

Breathe. I still have time and my decision to take an honours year is a good one because I'm exploring and potentially chasing something I'm interested in, as well as giving myself the time to grow, live, laugh, try new things, and experiment.

So self, stop worrying and give yourself a chance. Have some fun.

Partially inspired by this post by Phil of Wong Fu Productions.

Prepare for some crazy experiments.

BOOM!

cutato is back

2011-09-01T22:51:00.004+10:00

A new friend of mine asked me today about passion. No, not the crappy soap opera, and no, not the steamy kind of passion, but as in what I'm passionate about. I've spent most of the past few months trying to remember, reshape and reclaim who I am as a singular person, and what I'm all about. This extends to all aspects of my life from the way I dress, to the people I associate with, and even the way I text. It's funny how you can lose yourself, but it's kind of fun playing Where's Wally with myself.

Recently I finally decided to get my ear re-pierced. For the past year or more I've only had an earring in the left side of my ear since the right one healed over after an infection and scar tissue dramas. It's funny how barely anyone noticed (— side note: think about this next time you're all stressed and worried about how other people think you look. Honestly, no one pays as much attention to yourself as you do). I'd been meaning to get it re-pierced and kept telling myself that I was too lazy, but really, I was a little freaked to get it done.

Let me square with you, I had an extreme phobia of needles. The first time I got my ears pierced I was around ten. I spent two hours doing laps in a shopping mall with my dad trying to pluck up the courage. It wasn't until he put his foot down that I managed to step into the shop. Long story short, even though it had been my choice and I'd really wanted it done there were a lot of tears and screaming. I may have even been held down. After it was done I managed to faint outside the place and an old lady came over to offer assistance by offering my dad a trolley to wheel me around in.

My latest needle trauma was the cervical cancer injections during my final year of high school. I was one of the last to get it in my grade due to my avoidance tactics. This meant that the younger grades were starting to line up. I took a teddy bear my friend had given me from my 18th and clutched it as fat tears rolled down my cheeks. I considered it a victory that I didn't scream or pass out.

Now I'm in the so called best years of my life, and single to mingle to boot, I thought it was time to finally bite the bullet. Can I just say: I went, I saw, I conquered. I not only got three piercings, but there were no tears, no fainting, no screaming, and no teddy bears.

I admit, every time I look in the mirror and see my cartilage piercing I feel a little bad ass. I know it's no nipple piercing, but for me this represents the breaking free from the shackles of fear. So if you see me tuck my hair behind my left ear in the future, watch out. It means I'm bringing it. No fear.

catching up

2011-06-07T17:36:00.003+10:00

Realised I haven't done my obligatory it's-the-end-of-semester-and-I'm-procrastinating-on-final-assignments post, so here it is. A compilation of things I've yet to tell/show you (in no order).

Trying Menya Mappen with W

New kitties ♥

Redyed hair myself!

Got my Jeffrey Campbell Skates

Comfiest heels ever due to the padded sole

Flavoured teas as a study aid

Evidence I went to...

Jurassic Lounge!

Which pretty much sums up my semester. Can't wait for the holidays! I'm the only holding myself up by procrastinating though. As soon as I finished this last assignment I'm done so off I go :)

Search for the Perfect Water Bottle

2011-05-26T12:17:00.001+10:00

Since last year I've been searching for the perfect water bottle, after learning about the hazards of using plastic water bottles. My family is the type that would just re-use plastic bottles and that's a no-no. Since then we've resorted to using glass bottles, which is fine for home use, but not convenient for going out.

I purchased a Cheeki stainless steel bottle, but the bulky design in my flat shaped bag made it hard to fit everything in. So I've been searching for a flask shaped water bottle to no avail. Seriously, why is a flat design reserved for alcohol? I'm sure there'd be a much bigger market for flat designed water bottles. It just makes a lot of sense. So much easier to fit in your bag because it doesn't take up as much space. Simple logic!

This week I discovered Add Water. About time someone started using their brains. It's the first bottled water company to think outside the square in Australia (if you're into celebrity news, you'd know already that there are a few companies in the US doing the same thing eg. Paris Hilton and Liquid Salvation). I'm wary of re-using it like any plastic water bottle, although Add Water uses PLA instead of instead of normal plastics made from oil. If you're into convenience bottled water then Add Water is your guy, since it's meant to be 100% renewable and made from plants.

I'm still waiting for re-usable water bottle companies to catch on, but until then Add Water is my best friend.

At the moment retailers for Add Water are quite limited, but you can order off the website (or search for more retailers there), or General Pants Co. sells them for $3.00 a bottle (500ml).

Thing-a-week #2

2011-05-18T23:39:00.002+10:00

I made this cake for my birthday on Sunday. I haven't actually consciously kept up with Thing-A-Week, which should now probably be known as Thing-Whenever... but apparently cooking/baking counts, so if only I had a picture of my Apple Cinnamon Muffins with Streusel (recipe here! Delicious, by the way.) I'd be on track... but anyway, here's my Chocolate Beetroot Cake with Raspberry Mousse Filling (raspberry mousse recipe here) and Chocolate Ganache.

Sadly, as you can see it had an accident. Sometimes I get lazy/cheap/cocky and do stupid things like not use waxed or baking paper or cut said paper into strips (see here: Frosting a layer cake, to see what I'm raving on about) when frosting a cake. This leads to spectacular disasters that ruin a near-perfect cake :( ie. the bottom layer of the quite large, heavy layer cake ends up splitting in half when the two large pieces of unwaxed paper are being removed...

Proud of myself though. Instead of letting emotion (frustration, sadness, anger) overcome me (it was getting quite late into the night) I took deep breaths and tried to salvage it the best I could.

Note to self: Don't be that stupid/lazy/cheap/cocky again. It's not every day you get to decorate a cake so don't be so frugal.

Additional note to self: Stick with the chocolate mousse filling next time. Or try a coffee/mocha mousse filling. It is not worth 1.5 hours of sieving the seeds out of the raspberries as the mousse isn't as complementary as anticipated.

A rant

2011-05-18T23:04:00.004+10:00

So, I've jumped back on the fitness "bandwagon" as my birthday was approaching and it provided the motivation to get my life back into gear. I wanted to start my new year on a positive note and what better way than to have thrown myself back into the momentum? I'm not aiming for anything hardcore, just a healthy, happy lifestyle, which in theory, should equal a healthy, happier me. It's going well, thus far since I'm easing my way back into it. Can't wait to push myself harder!

What's really on my mind though, is two things, as I re-submerge myself into the land of online fitness: 1) thinspo and 2) eating as "fueling".

I have pretty much made piece with tumblr (although I'm still adverse to the mindless reblogging of uncredited images—copyright infringement, people!), but the thinspo that exists there is horrible! Even "advocates" of doing it the "healthy way" seem to reblog images of sickly skeletal girls. It makes me sad that that this "ideal" is continuously perpetuated there given that reblogging acts as a form of endorsement, as well as normalising it as an "ideal". One tumblr that focuses on before and after images features malnourished bodies as the "after", and a user commenting subtly about this was told that that their comment was besides the point. That being said, there is a wealth of information and inspiration out there on tumblr. However all of that information has to be organised to become knowledge, and it's worrying how some minds may process it...

I understand that diet is essential to health and fitness, and that apparently for weight loss the emphasis is 80% on diet and the remaining 20% on exercise etc. However, the idea that is being reinforced by my floating through cyberspace is that eating is only a means of fueling one's body. Okay, yep, I get that. We need to eat food to live. I also get that there are a lot of unhealthy foods. But why take the joy out of eating? Perhaps this is a cultural thing, or even just an individual thing given my background, but I was raised to appreciate and enjoy food. Not just eating, but the entire process whether I be actively involved in the preparation or not. Paraphrasing a quote that rings true to me: If you don't look enjoy/look forward to eating there must be something wrong with you.

That's not meant as an attack on anyone, but my belief is that since we only have one life, and eating makes up a significant part of that life, we should enjoy it! I'm not endorsing binge eating or unhealthy eating, but I believe that even if you're a celiac, vegan who won't eat anything artificial, you can still enjoy the foods that you can/choose to eat. It's all about mentality. I understand that some people have time limitations or strict dietary requirements for health reasons etc. but even just sparing a few minutes a week to eat a meal that you take a moment to actually consciously enjoy, and I'm not just talking about treating yourself to something sinful. Take the time to consciously enjoy food, whether it be the taste, texture, freshness, company or even pride in yourself or appreciation and love for someone else who put in the time and effort to make it. I'm not saying that advocates of the "food as fuel" mindset don't do this, but I feel that the way that this approach comes across even just by the wording makes me cringe. We are not cars, people.

lunch at darling harbour

2011-05-02T23:16:00.002+10:00

I often hear people complain about my uni's lack of ~real~ campus. Never understood them. Who really cares about campus coherence when I can medicate myself with retail therapy and cheap Asian food? Today, however I realised another lovely thing.

Can't believe it took me so long to lunch at Darling Harbour. Okay, so it was only a $3 banh mi, and I couldn't be bothered further than the Chinese gardens, but hey ~~ignoring the occasional sounds of traffic~~ it was still a pretty lovely view with the lovely sounds of the water feature going, and it was a pretty tasty banh mi! There were even birds to keep me company.

Oh, the sweet smell of freedom. I may not be quite there yet, but damn I am trying as hard as I can to help myself get there as painless and fast as possible.

painting

2011-05-01T16:51:00.002+10:00

re-learning how to fill and enjoy copious amounts of me time again.

(click to enlarge {if it tickles your fancy})

I enjoy my skill-less tango with water colour paints, but hate having no inspiration and lack of drawing skills. Oh well.

Crazy Ideas

2011-04-17T19:38:00.004+10:00

One of my subjects this semester inspires me like no subject has so far in my university degree. It's such an awesome feeling! It's led me to push boundaries and expand my mind. It's led me to Austin Kleon and Keri Smith who are both fantastically creative people! This led me to Thing A Day, which is a creative collaborative blog run every February where the participants have to create something every day! How inspiring is that?!

So, I'm taking the idea and running with it, except I'm being a wimp and making it Thing A Week. Hoping to do it for a year, but if I fail, I'll just start again :P

I already have ideas in my head, so here's a short list in case I run out of ideas.

- Black out poem (a la Austin Kleon who makes amazing ones and sells prints and has a book!)
- Make a book clutch!
- Knit something
- Writing on stuff (part of a bigger project)
- Sketch/draw something!
- Sketch/draw people with the same name as me! (a la Keri Smith, if there are actually people with the same name as me...)
- Baking/cooking counts :D!!
- Bleach hoodie
- Cute little stuffed animal thing
- Comic! (about cats... XD)
- Swede! Or film something
- Cover of a song or something maybe?
- Something ridiculous!
- A mosaic?
- Something with photos

Maybe I'll attempt a Thing A Day when I finish uni, so say December?

Anyone care to join me?

wantwantwant

2011-04-03T21:58:00.003+10:00

I am looking forward to...

JURASSIC LOUNGE!!!

Think dinosaurs, alcohol, silent disco, flashlight tours, touch exhibitions and live artists!

I am lemming...

Chelsea Boots (from Tony Bianco)

OPI Black Shatter

How's that for a lame, materialistic comeback of shallowness?

Amy Chua

2011-01-19T17:23:00.002+11:00

Amy Chua. She's probably used to having her name everywhere as she's a woman of many accomplishments, but can I just say? Poor Amy Chua. The past few days (or weeks? It feels like so much longer) I can't seem to avoid her on the internet. My alert to her infamous article (if you've been living on Mars you can read it here) came from tumblr (can you believe it?) and since then it's been raining Amy Chua.

I've been wanting to say something since she tumbled my way, but I always had excuses (as I always do). There is too much to say, I'm not near eloquent enough, what if I don't cover all the bases? There are already 39250825 responses to it out now. I'm on holidays. I'm hungover. Whatever. I'm going to suck it up and be an Asian Tiger Cub. This is just my response—my personal thoughts on it.

I'm not going to cover all the angles. I'm not going to provide a defense. I don't have exclusives from her eldest daughter and I don't hate her. In fact, I definitely want to get my hands on her book.

Then what do I have to say?

Basically, I've misled you. This isn't about Amy Chua at all. This is about "her" article, or rather the stereotype perpetuated from it, and my personal, adverse reaction to it.

As you may or may not already know, I'm an ABC, only not in the same sense as Chua given I'm in the southern hemisphere. These are just my experiences and I'm not trying to "set the record straight" by stating that what I think or have experienced is the "true", "correct" meaning/experience of "Chinese parenting".

My upbringing has been different to most of my other friends (and yes, majority of them were not Asian), however was nothing like the article, which greatly misleads. I can still feel some of Chua's essence in there since there are small instances that I've related to as an ABC child.

For instance the article highlights these two (in my opinion) related aspects, the expected extreme filial piety from the children and total self sacrifice from the parents, but fails to properly link them together using the most horrid, purely for shock-value examples. Yes, this is where the example of Chua keeping her daughter prisoner at the piano for hours on end without food, water or the bathroom comes into play. Being hated by your child and giving up your own time to force them to do things like play the piano is also apparently the embodiment of total self sacrifice. Is anyone accidently growling in vehemence like I am?

Why does this make me so angry? To me this is a complete mockery of the entire dynamics of the ABC child - immigrant parent relationship. It is a complete extremist representation manipulated by the media in which to create difference through being unable to relate/comprehend the "cultural difference". Even worse, it is a complete mockery of all the Asian parents out there (yes, I'm saying all Asians given that the people who will take this article at this face value and run with as fact tends to be the same people who group all Asians as one and the same) including my own.

Even before this article existed my parents and I have been subjected to the "Wow, why can't my kids study as hard as you"/"How do you get your kids to study so much?"/"Asian kids study so hard!" comments. Ironically these are most often given whilst I'm at the family business procrastinating at work and at school work on tumblr or something.

But that's not the point (okay, yes, it is a point and a very valid one, but I'm getting off track). What is the point is that my relationship does not work like that. It is not so shallow, extreme or selfish. In fact, it actually makes sense and I'm pretty sure as fellow human beings people will actually be able to understand and perhaps even respect/admire my parents, as opposed to labeling them as the "Other", which hides under "Tiger Parent" in this instance.

I respect my parents and want to make them proud simply because they have sacrificed so much for my brother and I. No, I am not talking about their precious time because they treat me as a prisoner/trained animal hybrid, but real sacrifices. Like the fact that they came to Australia and left behind all their family and friends. The fact that they struggled to learn English, had to start with nothing, worked their butts off everyday (and still do), look after us, save every bit of money that they can for a better future, prioritise us whether it be academically or not, and most importantly love us.

You might not get it still because you don't me or my parents. You don't know our story, and at this moment it's not something I'm prepared to share in detail, but what really rang in my ears as I was reading that article was this book I'd read a couple of weeks ago by Jean Kwok. It's called Girl in Translation and I highly recommend you read it and hopefully you might begin to understand. The reason we work our butts off (if we choose to) may not be because our parents forcefully pressure us (or pressure us at all), but because we want to help our parents and ourselves by grasping the opportunities that they have opened to us. I strongly relate to the girl in the story for that reason, even though my situation has never been as dire as hers. These are the stories that I've always thought of/related to when thinking of Chinese parents and their children, none of this strict dictator crap. It's weird to me too that this stereotype of the Tiger Mum exists, probably because here in my world I haven't seen it (although I understand in the United States where second and third generations are more common that this misunderstanding could occur), but what I think to be even stranger is that in a place so rich with migrants that these parts of the story are often left uncovered and unrealised given how common these experiences have been.

They're not tales of hardship to be made into sob stories, as they often are if picked up on, but the beginnings to understanding—to the realisation that we're all human too.

Equal Representation. We need more of it!

2011-01-13T19:24:00.002+11:00

It's hard to escape the reality of the floods. Even in Sydney, far away from the action news is being broadcast 24/7. My home town was originally threatened by the floods, but luckily (so far) has managed to escape the worst, although neighbouring regions, which fall under the almagated Clarence Valley Council have been hit quite badly.

This morning I was browsing the news for updates and found this article.

PREMIER Kristina Keneally has paid tribute to people living in northern New South Wales who are facing a "significant flood event" with courage and compassion.

She said the people of Grafton, which the premier toured on Wednesday, still have time to ask about flood victims in Queensland.

"There is an extraordinary flood event occurring here and the impact on the community is significant," she said.

"I was struck by the resilience of this community but also their generosity, that in their own time of need their thoughts were turning northwards to what is an unimaginable situation.

All I can say is that I'm extremely proud to have been born there and that everyone is in my thoughts. What makes this extra significant to me is that Grafton has been flooded quite frequently lately, the most recent being twice in 2009. Having encountered such bad luck over and over again in such short periods yet still remaining optimistic and big hearted just speaks multitudes.

I can't help but be reminded by my memories of a(n averted) flood when I was living there. I was in primary school and it was a normal day until the flood warnings came on the radio repeatedly. The tension and waiting was horrible. Seeing the water everywhere and hoping that the levee wall would not be breached was terrifying. We chose to not evacuate so it was nerve-wracking waiting for my dad to come home from work. I remember the playground of my primary school afterwards. The smell was so horrible!

All the best to the QLDers and NSWers who are affected.

@_@

2010-11-21T23:59:00.002+11:00

Things I have learnt these past few days:
1. Cityrail will make an effort to track down lost items if you report it
2. I may not be cut out for this Project 365 thing
3. The wor tip and Shanghai buns at New Shanghai in Ashfield are more than delicious!

If you ever see this drink in your Asian supermarket/shop do yourself a favour and grab yourself a can! It's ahhh-mazing! D actually had a sip before I did and made some sort of exclamation that I can't seem to remember and I was like "Whaaa-whaaat? Good? Bad?" But no, it's craaazy good! Why? It's like... better than fanta orange soda with these little tiny pieces of orange jelly. Sooooo yummy!

I actually picked it because of the cute orange faces. I noticed the one on the left first, but when I saw the face on the right its fate was sealed.

Notice a resemblance? Apparently I have a penchant for kekeke pervy faced critters.

monstarrr of the shopping & the ice creamz om nom nom!

2010-09-18T23:26:00.000+10:00

Mid semester break is here so I'm free for two weeks. Yay! To celebrate , Jaz and I hit Ben & Jerrys (my third time this week...). We ended up trying a grand total of five flavours: New York Super Fudge(?), Chocolate Macadamia, Sweet Creme and Cookies(?), Peanut Cookieburra and Strawberry Cheesecake.

Forgot to take one before we dug in...

We actually didn't mean to eat so much, seeing as we'd just had a picnic involving two types of cake... but unfortunately we found a hair in our first serve of ice cream, so they nicely let us choose another. Due to our sugar high (to the point where I thought it best to wait outside for them lest they think we were scamming them due to my inability to control my laughter—even now I don't know what I was laughing about) we only chose two flavours this time around.

Two happy chappies! :D!

I also splurged whilst waiting for my two lovely ladies to finish class...

New Dress on sale for $20 (Dotti)

Pink Nail Polish

Line up of new Lip Products

Wearing Maybelline 'Are you Reddy?' (blotted a few times! It's so bright!) & my first ever pair of Pink Circle Lenses

I've been lemming a bright, but pastel-ish/candy pink creme nail polish for a loooong time. D keeps talking me into putting it (and everything else) on the backburner because I'm trying to save money. I really shouldn't have gone to Priceline without him; I blew a lot of cash D: Wore the nail polish (called 'Wedded Bliss' umm whaaaat?) to work the past two nights and no chips so far so yay? I also ended up with a dress, which should be nice for going out. Now I just need an occasion... It replaced my lemming for a pink chiffon skirt with a cat print because it just did not sit right! Made you look like a puffer fish down below :(

2010-09-11T16:49:00.002+10:00

I'm meant to be preparing for a debate on copyright (as well as a few other assessments) this week, but last week Australia's vilification laws were debated in class. The part that stayed with me was the point about how racist comments on the internet, as long as they're intended to be humourous, and not racist, they're apparently okay to most people. I don't know if I agree or the answers as to how it should correctly be interpreted, but Racialicious, in its links round up today linked this: Taking Hate Speech Seriously When Racism is a Joke A thought provoking article dealing with internet humour and racism. It doesn't have all the answers, but nobody does. It does, however, succinctly encompass my thoughts on the subject, but a lot more intelligently, and well, way beyond my current abilities.

Well worth reading.

Birthday Picnic and more!

2010-09-09T22:12:00.002+10:00

One of my dear friends turned 21 today so we set out to surprise her! This involved a yummy indoor picnic, due to the overcast weather, but we didn't let that dampen our spirits! I used it as an excuse to actually use my camera, since I'm so fail at whipping it out to take snaps.

Picnic: Chickpea Salad, Mince Pasta, Salmon and Avocado Sandwiches (homemade bread!)

After the nomfest I went a little crazy with the camera (I actually ended up taking 90+ photos today!) documenting integral moments such as shot-by-shot presentation of the gifts and the like. I was outshone by Feishien though with her Instax Camera!

Feishien holding the snap of me and the Birthday Girl

We then headed to Capitol to take Sticker Photos. We hadn't done it in such a long time, being poor students and also being somewhat time-poor, at least in the being able to see each other without schedule clashes sense of things... Our poses weren't that super since we were rusty, or rather, we never really had that down pat in the first place. Oh well, it was fun! Will the novelty ever wear off?

Lastly, we headed to Passionflower for ice cream, which is conveniently on the level below. Sticker photos + ice cream is seriously a winning combination. The Birthday Girl had apparently never been before so what better time to introduce her than now? I hope she enjoyed it! She was overwhelmed by the selection and the quality is amazing. Next week we're set to try Ben and Jerry's to celebrate the mid semester break, so we'll see how it compares...

Super Duper Brownie

Nomming the brownies!

Macro shot!

Giant Iced Green Tea

Sugar Coma :P

Qu'ils mangent de la brioche

2010-08-28T14:23:00.003+10:00

Let them eat cake!

This horribly photographed cake (yes, I know, real bloggers use DSLRs and more than half the time, in my laziness, I'm using my camera phone...) is a Chocolate Honey Beetroot Cake with Chocolate Mousse filling and Chocolate Ganache made for my brother's birthday party. In my greediness, I ended up making two, instead of going with my original plan of stacking them. In hindsight, this was probably a good idea since it turned out to be quite a rich combination. Plus, more for me is always a good idea... well according to me anyway... :P

I should probably begin posting recipes, but lately I've been feeling rather lacklustre about well... everything. So next time. I better perk up soon though because it's not like I have anything to complain about since my parents got me this!

Hello beautiful! Where have you been all my life?

Yes, they got me a bread machine. Something I've wanted and dreamed about, but never asked for, or even brought up, since the price tag is way too much. When my mum announced they'd gotten one, I'd assumed there was either some mix up, or they'd managed to somehow get one second hand, but no, this baby is brand new! Turns out Kmart had it on clearance for $29! It's no special brand, but who cares? I can finally make bread! (Note: I was planning to make bread regardless next holidays, but still, yay!)

My first ever loaf!

I followed the manual for my first ever loaf. It came out more like a cube, and so did my second loaf (100% wholemeal this time), so I'm thinking there's something up with my yeast. I'm planning to try the sachet yeast next time around to test this hypothesis, so fingers crossed. It tastes yummy either way though. Way better than supermarket bread, which I've always been quite snobby over...

P.S. Just heard about this, an Edible Art Exhibition in London's Future Gallery! Really wish I could go see it!

I'm back... with food!

2010-08-15T23:15:00.002+10:00

It seems all I ever do is go on announced/unacknowledged hiatuses and post about food, but I'm back (with food) so put on a happy face!

C:

Today is my brother's birthday (Happy Birthday, bro!) and when asked what kind of cake he wanted me to make him he said, "apple pie". So yes, technically not a cake, but still delicious so who cares? I take it as a compliment that he likes my apple pie that much.

Horribly blurry, but nonetheless delicious, innards

It was actually my first time making a real pie, since I usually just make very time consuming, rustic, hand pies. I guess I need more practice since I didn't really plan it out so the edges didn't really join the top properly, but whatever. I also baked pandan and coconut chiffon cupcakes on the weekend, but didn't get around to taking any photos :(

One day I'll try and share why food is so important to me.

Pizza

2010-07-12T23:49:00.002+10:00

Last night my brother and I made pizza dough from scratch. Apologies for crappy phone pics!

The blur = my broooo hahaha rolling out our un-traditional (not circular) pizza dough

My bro's pizza

Miiiine!

They were giant and were a hit even though they totally were not 'thin and crispy' as the recipe said it would be (see here: Thin and Crispy Pizza Bases), but hey, no one died! Also my dad ate a lot and he never eats a lot of pizza! The toppings were fetta (our first time trying, but my brother and mum decided they don't like), green olives and pepperoni. Yum!

biennale 2010, food and friends

2010-07-04T23:37:00.003+10:00

Today I spent $20 on food. That might not sound like a lot to you, but I'm frugal, a student, and unemployed (according to Centrelink who don't want to be down with me). Nonetheless, who can put a price on long overdue, much needed, catch up with two of your favourite girls?

A photo would be appropriate here, but I fail at being camera happy. Hopefully I can pinch one off Kat later.

We went to check out the Biennale, but only managed to view the Museum of Contemporary Art's segment. Our unanimous favourite was the two artworks by Penny Siopsis, so if you're up there, check it out! I was a little disappointed though, as the MCA lacked interaction, which I always look forward to. It's those pieces that I find linger in my mind most as favourites, especially in the past Biennales. D and I are planning to give Cockatoo Island a go on Tuesday, so hopefully my need to be physically engaged is satisfied there.

Neuron by Roxy Paine
Currently on display outside of the MCA as part of the Biennale of Sydney 2010

We hit two cafes today. I won't name the first one as it wasn't a worthwhile experience, although not terrible. It should be renamed Bird Cafe though as it's more appropriate, and it should be noted that the birds weren't really the problem...

The second isn't really a cafe, but La Renaissance Patisserie Francaise. There was a line just to enter and just after we were seated, people started having to wait for tables. This was at around 2pm, but then again it was a Sunday. The prices are a little high for my liking, but then again I have to wrap my head around the fact that it's in a tourist area... I'd been meaning to go for awhile because of the macarons, which I'd once had an obsession for, but seeing as they're $2.50 each, I passed in favour of...

Chocolate Eclair with Chocolate Pastry Cream ($5.50 eat in)

Lemon Tart, Macarons (Strawberry?, China Jasmine Green Tea, Pistachio), Chocolate Eclair

It was all well-received, washed down with flavoured lemonades ('diablo' with choice of mint, strawberry or grenadine syrups) and flavoured mineral water (Perrier with mint, strawberry or grenadine syrups). Looking at these photos makes me want another eclair... I just showed D and it seems I'll be returning for seconds on Tuesday >:D

dress ups

2010-06-13T13:46:00.002+10:00

I should seriously be banned from assessments of any kind because all they do is make me want to shop.

Shini from Park and Cube posted a link to H&M's fashion studio ages ago so guess how productive I've been lately? I want H&M in Australia so badly now!

D's turn

This isn't procrastinating...

2010-06-07T23:59:00.004+10:00

This is showing you my assignment. If you're able to talk about something that means you know it inside out, right? Well, that's what I'm going to go with. A warm up since I'm writing a critical analysis essay of it tomorrow. FUN.

Now picture this, all recording sound booths are booked solid given all first year Communications students need them for this assignment, and we get stuck with the broken booth. Greeeat.

We didn't actually see the sign at first since the door was open against the wall, hiding the sign, and we were trying to work out why we couldn't hear sound even though it was recording when we were testing. I suggested a google-fu, and BAM! We were the ones eating cake (proof coming soon!). ~Skillz~

Anyway, this is what it looked like.

Aaaaaand Action!

Churning out them sweet beats.

Hahaha not! :P

Biiig thanks to D for helping us out with the sound recording! It was a radio play with three characters, and a thank you to my group partner who will probably never see this, but I owe him a thank you for putting up with my stupidity :P

Procrastination

2010-06-03T13:56:00.003+10:00

This is what procrastination looks like.

Bet you weren't expecting that :P

P.S. Purchases to be made and shared, but making myself wait until after I finish my assignments (not only as incentive to actually do things, but in vain hopes that the AUD appreciates!)

wedges, Weginald?

2010-04-17T23:43:00.003+10:00

I'm currently obsessed with shoes (and make up, and shoe insoles, and most probably scarves too). Unfortunately, being a poor student I cannot afford shoes, or at least not the ones I'm lusting after. D joins me in my forlorn moping as he's a great advocate for my getting shoes, or more precisely, sky high heels.

I'm at the point where I'm making my top choices in shoes battle it out against each other to see which I should save to splurge on.

Jeffrey Campbell Pixies in Black Suede

These babies are sadly out of contention, unless I become a millionaire... BUT!

I found these!

Much more achievable although perhaps not as awesome as the JC ones, but at a fraction of the cost... who am I to complain? Sportsgirl also has a similar version, but also quite pricey, and personally I'd rather go for JC if I was able to splurge. But yes, miiine! Aaand with D's approval too. Wooo!

Side note: How awesome are the orange ones?! Wish I could get them in each colour, but that would defeat the purpose of being thrifty...

Return of the Kitties

2010-04-16T23:28:00.002+10:00

You've probably realised from the cat-related posts (see: Meow/Kitty Beanie & Kitties Hug Picture/Silly Stories) that I have a penchant of cats. This is far from a secret.

Yesterday, my bro asked me if I wanted to watch a short movie about a cat. I asked him if it was cute. He dodged the question by muttering some reply I can't remember. Having a feeling I'd regret it, I agreed to watch it. The short film is called, The Cat with Hands and is directed by Robert Morgan.

I'll be the first to admit that I'm a scaredy cat (not that I want anything to do with cats after that film), and it's almost midnight, I'm sleep deprived, and this equals a very irrational me. One night D told me that there was a monster outside my window and I screamed at him (okay, the msn caps locks equivalent, but whatever) and forced him to retract that statement/make it go away even though he explained it was the friendly monster from the bed time story he'd just told me. So it should be no surprise to you that after I watched this I clung to my younger brother giving him forceful hugs, and that I will be avoiding this blog entry in future!

The point of this though is that I'm still a cat lover. I maintain that whatever it was depicted in that short film is not a cat and have already begun blocking it out of my mind (although it is a wonderfully creative piece).

Kitties will, and always be, cute, fluffy companions that frolic happily and purr contentedly against my heart, which is totally why this item of Kitty clothing Will. Be. Mine.

Now I'm off to continue badgering D to get a kitty...

Cocktail Party & Speaker Event

2010-04-14T00:03:00.002+10:00

On Monday night I attended a cocktail party + speaker function event. It was also the launch of a new uni program. Most of all, I was excited to see the girls again, as it's so hard these days to get most of us (let alone all!) together.

Sarah & Kat ♥

We'd planned to get a group shot of us all together, however everyone seemed so into mingling and networking I felt rude to interrupt... One of the event photographers did approach us though and took no less than four shots, which was kind of amusing. I hope to track the photos down!

Myself & Fee

I was a little weary having been at uni since 9am, and I know some of the others had similar situations, but at the same time I had a few fun conversations regarding looks received from people regarding our dress — it isn't easy trying to be casual yet cocktail appropriate!

Jess refreshing herself with complimentary champagne

Whilst it was wonderful catching up with the girls, my expectations of the night were blown away by the following speaker event. Hugh Evans was flown in from England arriving in Sydney at 5am, not that you could tell. I recently had a crash course in rhetoric and the examples we focused on were Martin Luther King and President Obama and now I feel that I know — I've experienced a great rhetor. Kat, Sarah and I had a discussion afterwards admitting that we'd all been fighting back tears at one point or another thinking we'd been the only ones!

♥

To keep this so overly simplified, but short and sweet:
I'm so inspired to continue going for my dreams because in doing this I can be the change that I want to see.

Thank you, Hugh Evans.

2010-04-06T22:01:00.002+10:00

Today was one of those days. Can't say it was horrible, but it could've been better, although I'm aware that it could've been worse. Let's remind myself that I'm a believer of things happening for a reason, and so I guess today was an okay day.

This wasn't written to get anyone down in the dumps, but to show you whyyyyy I feel like online shopping all of my savings away hahaha

I WISHHHHHH!!! ♥ Going through a BIG shoe phase ♥

Make up phase too, in attempts to make up for my dismal collection. I own zero lipsticks. I also need more brushes. MOOOREEEEEE. Oh yeah, I've been itching for some gunmetal nail polish something hard for ages now.

I'd also love to be snuggling on the couch watching subbed episodes of Down with Love, popping the occasional Lindt chocolate ball, and playing Hotel City and Phoenix Wright in the breaks.

Instead I'll just have to settle for this.

Hot Milo (made with a Big Spoon coz you can't be wussy with Milo) ♥ & my bro's Pocky hahaha

Note the Dragon zodiac mug. At one stage my entire family had one of their own sign. My mum's and bro's have gone MIA, and I tend to steal my dad's (he doesn't use it) because he shares the same zodiac as D ♥ (YES I AM LAME. LAAAME AND PROUD!)

Here's to a better tomorrow! Bottoms up! ^^b

love letters and crossdressing "alien" gingerbread men

2010-04-03T15:56:00.003+11:00

Yippee! Looks like photobucket is being good to me so I better take my chance to update. Even though Easter means a four day weekend, I'm a bit busy as with the next two weeks I have no days off, meaning I have to get to the city (and beyond!) every single day, and guess what? Cityrail has decided there'll be no trains from my local station for that entire fortnight! Bravo!

Whilst I'm dripping with sarcasm, remember the Agent 99 Cat Beanie? Yeah, I decided to fork out as a reward for hitting all my deadlines and ended up trekking to five different General Pants stores to no avail! More than half of them didn't realise what I was talking about too... Good work, GP.

On a good note, I've got myself an interview for a voluntary internship on Tuesday, so fingers crossed for me! Aand a future self-motivated project possibly in the works. Go Little Miss Motivated!

I hope you're all having a good Easter and that you've enjoyed a lot of choc!

Lone Chocolate Egg from D♥
He totally ninja-ed it into my bag along with a Vivi mag!

Random "Love" Pockys meant for D, but I kind of accidentally ate one...

D's surviving Love Pocky. I swear it will make it to him, filled out with embarrasing pet names and all!

Trip down memory lane! Am I dumb for not knowing that egg rolls are also known as love letters until now?

Perfect snack ♥
Random fact: I got to reference Vitasoy in an essay! Check this cute art exhibition: Banana: A Chinese American Experience

Gingy ~~crossdressing~~ wearing my new favourite skirt (thanks, Gmarket!)
Haha my mum totally came in and was like "Whaaat? Why is he wearing your skirt?"
"Uh... he's camping. It's a sleeping bag." >.>
"He can wear some of my clothes. They're kids clothes."
Okay, mum... ♥

Meow

2010-03-16T16:26:00.005+11:00

I want this beanie bad despite the fact that only certain beanies like me enough to flatter my head (and not make me look like the Queen of Hearts from Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland...) and that I'm still waiting for two beanies in my Gmarket order and that this beanie costs $29.95.

Just look at it! It's adorable! Meow! I like kitties!

Okay, enough for the incoherency. I'm suffering from writers block now in addition to my cold and whatever else and it's frustrating me and clearly impairing my ability to function!

Whatever, I'm going to bask in my past (meaning last week) success. Here's the writing task I did with the brief: Interview your parents about your birth and write a creative non-fiction piece. I'm going to go wash my hair.

***

I do not want to do this interview. It fills me with dread and explores territory I don’t want to cover. It should be harmless, right, interviewing one of my parents about my birth? Something that should normally be a joyous occasion.

Xinran says in her introduction to China Witness that the Chinese have “a strong inhibition towards the idea of speaking out openly – out of a fear of implicating others” , and I guess that’s what I’m suffering from. I can’t help but think of Ou Yang Yu, whose book I’m yet to finish, On the Smell of an Oily Rag: Speaking English, thinking Chinese and Living in Australia. I imagine he’d draw the English parallel of, “if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all”.

This paints such a decrepit picture of my family, my parents especially, but I love them. It’s just hard to tear away from my upbringing and what I’ve been taught. Like habits of please and thank you that are as automatic as sensor doors, but I still mean them. They hold meaning to me. This silence is a protective instinct.

I am debating whether to go into it. To plunge in and give away secrets, the family face, which is so prided in Asia. It is hard to, but also hard not to as without doing so is like serving a plate of plain spaghetti. A bland tangled mess on a plate, which everybody questions, not knowing what or why they’ve been served something so horribly incomplete. The sauce may be messy, but it pleases the tastebuds.

From my experiences, and confirmed by what I’ve read, food is important to the Chinese. My mother on discussing her pregnancy with me stressed the point of her suffering – in this instance about morning sickness (but from her incessant complaining should be extended to being all-day-sickness) by letting me know she could not keep any food down. Breakfast, lunch, dinner, none of it survived. Not even water could provide any relief.

My father, on the same subject, talked about the foods and herbal soups he’d cooked for her to keep us both healthy, and in attempts to provide my mother with some comfort. He cooked a lot of congee because it’s easy to digest and nutritious – not just a traditional breakfast dish, but also a typical meal for the sick. It’s also one of my mother’s favourites. Every time we go out to Hurstville, she’ll order congee, and when father cooks a pot, no matter how big the pot is, she makes it magically disappear. Perhaps this is why, whilst I enjoy a small bowl of congee, I cannot eat a lot – I must have had an overdose in the womb.

I also have a lack of appreciation for herbal soups. As a child I used to be a cynic. Now I take them placidly as I not only believe, but know that they’re good for me. They’ve cured me from sickness in the past. But they way they smell, the way they look is enough to induce gagging, let alone the strong disgusting bitter taste. My friend told me her father puts sugar in hers in attempts to make it more consumable. My father says this renders the herbal soup void. My mother and I both have sweet tooths. No wonder there was a time during pregnancy where she believed he was poisoning her.

I questioned them about my birth, and they both answered, as parental code demands, that they were very happy. My mother was glad that I was out, and I can’t blame her. Having to sit through even the briefest of details about nausea and caesareans knowing that I was the cause and that I too will experience the trauma of giving birth is ten thousand times uncomfortable, disturbing, terrifying.

My father, by no means unsympathetic, but nonetheless able to experience my birth through more rose coloured lenses says that it was the happiest moment of his life. That I was beautiful with my thick black hair that I’d stolen from him – I was one week overdue, and he was just starting to lose hair. That the entire town’s police force drove their cars over to our house to see the beautiful Chinese baby girl the day I was brought home.

I can tell from his pride, from his happiness that this is all true. My father loves me, despite being the first baby kept to be born after numerous abortions. Despite what my mother once told me in a spiteful moment (forgive, don’t judge her, we all have our lows) that I was the baby that was only kept to secure permanent residency. That she had no choice. She followed my father to Australia, had no one else and both decided this is where they were going to stay.

In writing this I feel I need to put a bandaid over it. To reassure people I’ve had a happy childhood and that my parents love me. To close with a happy ending. To save face. However, I also feel it’s no one’s business; I know the truth within myself and have started to think of Helen Garner. I’m feeling naked, but as she says I don’t feel totally exposed “because in this mysterious way I’m trying to describe, the “I” in the story is never completely me” . Don’t get me wrong, this is my story, my parents, my interview, but underneath the bath towels I’ve wrapped each of us in, giving the illusion of acceptable nakedness, we’re secretly wearing swimmers.

chhh chhh chhh chip-cake?

2010-03-15T16:22:00.005+11:00

At the moment, I feel more like I have hayfever than a cold, but whatever that's not really important. What's important?

1. Country Road are apparently bringing back their super popular OTK suede boots in April! Now to attempt to save $300 before then... with no real job. To quote D, "GG".
2. Okay, so there's no number two. There probably was a number two, but I got distracted.
3. New quest this year? To find where I can buy matcha powder in Sydney! I did a google-fu that *gasp* failed! The places in which I'll be exploring (or sending my minions ie. my wonderful parents — don't tell them I called them minions!) are Hurstville and Chinatown 'coz c'monnnnn! (This was probably meant to be number two...)

Today was spent playing around with video cameras at uni, as we're preparing for our assessment where we create a video interview with someone. Wish I had some of our footage as it was hilarious!

For my parents today was spent waiting for our long awaited guests who have again been delayed. They're coming now on Friday. What this means is that there's a huge Japanese style soft cheesecake waiting to be eaten now! And more baking plans for tomorrow! Here's some of the adventures from last night...

I greedily made a double batch, so first out came a dozen in cupcake form, which unfortunately sunk...

Only eleven pictured as my bro snagged one straight away!

A sad, sunken, close-up. I've read bloggers comments that have said it's best to leave it to sit in the oven after it's finished baking with the heat turned off, but as I baked these and the cake at the same time and the cake needed longer, it was an option...

Woe is me!! T^T

The cake!

Whilst this was going on, my brother was experimenting with homemade potato chips.

Here he is arranging them.

Here he is attempting to hide...

He tried the microwave...

The fanforced oven...

The deep fryer... Oh, the perks of being a restaurant baby!

And the results?

Ta da! Okay, a little disappointed? That's because we kept eating the results progressively. I'm a fan of the oven ones, personally. My brother was insistent with the microwave ones, but they were difficult in my opinion. Disappointed because you didn't get to see any fail?

Here you go! Potato chips cooked to perfection, but welded on to baking paper. Good job, microwave man.

vegeeater replied, please maam, we need kittiiiiessss to make us happppyyyy lol

2010-03-15T00:42:00.005+11:00

My name is Samantha. I major in creative writing (and cultural studies) and I love to read. The other day my tutor told me a writing task of mine was one of the best undergrad pieces she's ever read.

However, the bed time stories that D tells me (upon my insistence) are my favourite ♥

"gohkoo said.. i am gohkoo and this is vegeeater, do u have any kitties please?"

screenshots

2010-03-13T17:00:00.002+11:00

Newly appointed sickling feels disgusting and gross. Apparently two naps doesn't happen, or at least makes me feel more icky. Most probably because I've done nothing today but consume things and sleep. Complained on my twitter, after chasing down the unread blog count of my bloglovin, that I want new clothes to feel pretty. Why do all my habits drive my consumerism? Decided to fend that off by checking the status of my most recent Gmarket order — recent being paid for on the 1st of March.

The Bad

KLJGSRKLG!!54N3O5R39#@^%$ds I want my pretty new things now, kthx! The weather is suiting my purchases too and I'm feeling boring wearing the same things over and over again.

The Good? Luxirare now has a spiffy task bar complete with games on her blog! Why yes, I am an easily amused sickling. Since I'm feeling too icky to do readings I need to find amusement somehow. Pity work is in 19 minutes... Also, note the coinkydink? The post I'd chosen to read first in my catch up has her using screen shots too!

Yes, yes, double post. Shush. I want cookies!

my nose is running 'coz it's chasing after yours

2010-03-13T15:01:00.003+11:00

My body has finally caved in to (quoting my twitter) "the inevitable-the-world-is-against-my-immune-system obnoxious cold that ~everyone~ has". I'm really not surprised as I've been pretty much surrounded by people with it the past week. Not to mention been in even closer proximity with D who's had it for a week and a half now. He's feeling pretty guilty hahaha So I told him, "My nose is running 'coz it's chasing after yours."

I'm meant to be doing readings and would like a nap (my antibodies apparently require a lot of energy), so a short and sweet wrap up of why this week was awesome.

- Saw 4590254 people, as opposed to the week before in which I was a lonely, old hermit
- Saw Alice in Wonderland, which wasn't that great, but hey, free tickets!
- Spent under $20! excluding transport of course... x.x
- Recovered my ability to write creatively

Okay, well, I guess that's about it. D also got braces this week, but that's not really awesome so I excluded it from the list, but he must look on the bright side. It's apparently fashionable in Thailand! Okay, no, that's terrible. If you actually read the article you'll find out why, but on a related, but unrelated-to-this-sentence kind of note... D looks adorable!

Another not-so-awesome thing about this week? My happy little friend got evicted from UTS. So here's a happy snap in his/her memory.

P.S. More on my writing, Chinese-ness, and perhaps other things, later.

Note to self: Take more photos!!!

2010-03-09T22:08:00.002+11:00

Uni has started and I seem to be sailing a ship full of lonely while everyone else is on a party boat. The perks of being shuffled in with the first years for the third time. Okay, that's totally not cool of me as I have met some lovely first years. It was nice, however, to meet up with old friends on a cruise last Friday. Here are some happy snaps!

Arriving...

Okay, so not so exciting since not much variation in the photos, which is our fault as D and I plonked our butts down firmly when we found good seats and didn't budge until close to the end of the night... To our defence, D was sick (he still has't fully recovered) and I, of course, kept him company. And look! Pretty snazzy harbour photo, right? We didn't do too badly!

On 愛

2010-02-17T00:36:00.003+11:00

One of the very few things I've learnt how to write in Chinese (Traditional) is 'I love you' (我愛你). In fact, as I realised in a comment to Jess that this is the only phrase that I know how to write (side note: hopefully I can rectify this soon!). When I was learning to write this I had just learnt how to write 媽媽 (mum) and 爸爸 (dad) so in my child-like excitement, I scrawled notes to each of my parents telling them that I loved them.

I can't remember if any affection or happiness was part of their reactions, not that they would've been unmoved by the gesture. What I do remember is being told by 媽媽 to be cautious in my use of the word 愛. I must not use it so freely. I remember responding by telling her that she's my 媽媽 so what was wrong with telling her that? She conceded on that point although more so dismissing it so that she could continue stressing the importance of not using my newly learnt phrase.

Perhaps it's due to my growing up primarily Westernised that I'm more open with affection and my views on 愛 differ. However, I also think it's partly due to her views, her generation, her experiences, things that I'll never be able to understand — or at least things that will never reach me to the point of alteration. I'm glad for it. It's an important part of me — of great importance to me to be able to tell my family I love them, tell my closest friends I care about them (for this is the point that hits home to me in my grasp of this platonic love, and I don't use the term 'care' in a simple, superficial sense), tell the one I love how I feel about them...

Yes, I have different categories of love, and feel uncomfortable (and fake) using the word too casually. 愛 should not be used or given away too freely for like anything of value if given away too "much" it loses its value. Only in this case love (should be) is boundless in quantity and its not so much the volume, but given away careless or too freely... the principle still applies. What is the point of a word without meaning? It's not a feeling if it loses meaning. It's not a feeling if it means nothing, it's a lie.

I digress, but the point is I too have strong reserves about using this word, whether it be a cultural influence or another. Being who I am, as well as it being my life, I'm willing to take (shrewd) risks, although I heed my parents' warnings. I believe I have opportunities my parents didn't have and I am going to seize them for I feel that 愛 should play a bigger role in (everyone's) life. Everyone deserves 愛 and if there's anything I've learned from my parents it's that I cannot lead a loveless life.

Yesterday was my one year anniversary with D. I use 愛 with him against my parents' warnings, but it's my life. My heart (心). My choice. My happiness. It might not come easily, but it's something definitely worth fighting for, and this battle — this war, I vow to win.

This entry actually started out with three main purposes: to illustrate my encounters with perception of 愛; to commemorate one year of 愛; and to thank Jess and Kat for their support and 愛. So Jess and Kat, I love you both. Your support and understanding really means the world to me. Thank you.

Fragility

2010-02-15T22:31:00.003+11:00

True to both people and experiences, its usually the bad that leave a lasting impact. It may look like a small scratch or a light bruise, but it can scar and leave internal damage without a real visible trace.

Today I've decided that I will make my encounters with positive experiences and good people count more, or at least as much, as their not-so-nice counterparts.

I had the opportunity to express my innermost desire to learn Chinese (either or both the Mandarin and Cantonese dialects) to friends today. One of my newer friends was very sweet and understanding, offering to teach me her native tongue. I have spoked this desire aloud a few times before, but rarely have I summoned the courage to actually assert it. I still didn't really explain my true feelings on the subject — I'm not sure if they'd really understand, but they made me feel a lot more comfortable with the entire thing. They were understanding and did not think less of me at all.

From this I have drawn a little bit of wavering confidence, and a little more courage. Let's hope this shoots can be strong enough to grow. I need to develop a thicker skin.

Let me try to explain. I have what I've dubbed the 'Chinese Inferior Complex', which has resulted from my lack of interaction with any Chinese backgrounded people in my life and snubbing by said people of Chinese backgrounds. I haven't had it too rough exactly, but I've never been the type to struggle with anything. Perhaps it's that I don't know how to deal with it. My ego can't stand the blows, no matter how feather light or unintentional, of failing, thus I have barely any courage, and zero confidence in my learning.

It's so bad to the point that when I fail, either in pronounciation or being understood (whether it be my fault or the recipient caught unawares by my out of the blue feeble attempts at Cantonese), I literally crumble inwardly. I feel my soul fall like a house of cards and the automatic reaction from shame, embarrasment and frustration is to cry. Like a child, I can't stop it. I know it's not rational, but I feel like I'm drowning and as much as I know tears are on the way and try to fight it, I fail. Unfortunately, being close to 21 years old from this I feel more embarrassment and shame, and it feels like a neverending cycle of negativity — my self confidence and self-worth regarding my Chinese-ness depletes.

This is way up there, right next to the importance of my family to me, and how much I love D. This sorrow and darkness feels as horrible to me as it did those times where D and I were facing our "breakup"s (that we thankfully didn't and couldn't go through with). I feel so horrible, so ashamed of myself with no confidence at all and can see no light at the tunnel — no way out. All I want to do is curl up — hopefully shrivel up in my bed and sleep forever to escape existence. To escape hurting and feeling.

I refuse to succumb to this now. I want to overcome this and be stronger because I know that this is silly. But how do you beat something in your mind that's psychological and so deeply implanted into you that it's not even a conscious decision?

All I know is that I'm not a quitter. I want to do this with all my heart and I will try my best to raise my courage and overcome this. Baby steps. This time I hope I can succeed, although I really don't think I can do this all by myself...

Kung Hei Fat Choi!

2010-02-14T15:26:00.000+11:00

This year I have a sweetheart and of course I'm glad to, but whilst everyone seems to be swept up in waves of 'Happy Valentines Day!' (or even 'Happy Singles Awareness Day!'), I'm battling the tides, screaming, 'Kung Hei Fat Choi!!'.

When I first found out that CNY fell on February 14th, I admit I was a little put out. Not Valentines Day! Not my first, proper Valentines Day. Now, I'm almost glad. It's helped to keep me grounded and not cross over to the commercialised mess. Call me a cynic, but it's almost like mind-control — even worse, as corporations tell us how to feel. "Show affection now," they tell us (because I can't rightly bring myself to even type 'love' in the same sentence — whoops, I just did). Child's play. Painting by numbers. We're just following instructions. 'Money can't buy happiness', used to be one saying, whilst The Beatles crooned, 'Can't buy me love'. Have times changed? Or was it always this way on this twilight-zone kind of day?

Here's where I quickly become a hypocrite. Past midnight this morning, I wish D Happy CNY. He wishes me the same, and adds a Happy Valentines, plus the remark that I'd thought he'd forgotten. Perhaps... but I tell myself it's more so because I wasn't expecting anything at all on this day so unlike other days, yet I'm secretly elated and so very touched.

I'm sure if he realised as I didn't specify, but on Friday (knowing we wouldn't be together for "Valentines Day"), I gave him this.

Yesterday, I made him this.

Front

Inside - yet to be written in

Back

I had a discussion with a good friend, K, the other day concerning Vday and whether to particpate in gift giving, and if so what to get. We settled on not being extravagant, both feeling it was ridiculous, but to give a small 'fun' gift. The definition of 'fun' in this instance is something thoughtful and personalised, yet in the sense it's more of a light, joking gift — a silly kind of gift that I feel undermines the Seriousness and Importance that Vday has provided under its reign. I'm not sure if anyone else agrees with us, but this is my interpretation (I say 'my', as I can only be accountable for speaking for myself). On another note, D's and I one year is coming up in two days (Tuesday), and I'm planning to go all out — at least as 'all out' as time and money will let me. Too bad I'm still a little stumped in working out the details relating...

CNY Candies shaped like little pretend Fire Crackers

On to Chinese New Year! The Year of the Tiger!

In an unintentional lead up to CNY, I've been reading novels by Xinran (Miss Chopsticks, Sky Burial and The Good Women of China), which have left me feeling even more strongly connected to my heritage, to my homeland, to my soul. I feel so fortunate, so alive, so vibrant. It's a little overwhelming, and hard to put into words. Like being born again and having heightened senses, I know the secrets, pride and sisterhood of being a woman — being a Chinese woman; the power of love; a sense of justice and doing what's right; compassion because I am not blind or heartless... I haven't even begun to scratch the surface. Whilst Xinran has done a much better job of conveying China and its women in her way, she admits that the country is so wide, so diverse that there is so much she hasn't seen or heard, let alone covered. There's no way to encompass it all — there's not one truth.

As Lily Wu states in Going Home "I realize the true meaning of the word 'country' in Chinese. Country + home". In On the Smell of an Oily Rag by Ouyang Yu, he explains 'country' as 'nation family', he goes on to state his theory on how the learning of other languages, in particular English, breaks down the Chinese character, due to the difference in notions associated with meanings of words ie. the Chinese nation family versus the Western nation state. Whilst this makes me more determined to learn Chinese — I'm very interested in learning the individual characters and meanings that shape each word and/or phrase — I have to disagree a little. Although I don't know my mother tongue and have never been to my mother country, I feel that I — I know that I am still Chinese.

In both Lily Wu and Ouyang Yu's definitions (although definitions doesn't seem the most appropriate word to me) I take comfort. China is my mother country, it's my home — regardless of the fact I've yet to set foot there — and it is my family, as it is my family's family and as I am my family's family. These rights and this love that I feel for it, and I feel from it, and the way that it is and always will be a part of me, is unconditional, even if I am regarded as a black sheep by others. One day I will make things right as this is what I want to do — I want to learn, but deep in my heart I know that underneath it all, through and through, I am Chinese, even if I do fall into a tiny black hole of China that is undiscovered or overlooked.

Part of my CNY

Sunflower Seeds and Various CNY Candies

My efforts last night at ~~channeling Hamtaro~~ mastering Sunflower Seeds

Our CNY Eve Feast: Fish, Prawns, Duck, Two Soups, Chinese Vegetables and Roast Pork... and of course, Rice!

Note: This was for five people @_@ and this was my second feast of the day (feast, not meal). Are you starting to see how food is important to the Chinese? I had my third feast today (CNY lunch) and have yet to eat CNY cake... what's the bet another feast is on the cards? This is also only Day One of Fifteen?! Not that we take celebrating that far...

Kung Hei Fat Choi (congratulations and be prosperous), everyone!
Happy New Year!

Etsy Valentines Gift Guide

2010-02-13T16:04:00.003+11:00

I know it's a little late, but here are my picks off Etsy! After all, if you're going to celebrate it consumerist style, you might as well help the underdogs.

Karing Is Shering has a few cute pieces of jewellery. My personal favourites?

My Love Story in a Book Filigree Locket Ring. It also comes in gold.

As well as the cute, vintage Going Steady ring.

YOUgNeek has more unisex gifts, in my opinion, that are super unique (as the name suggests) and quirky (or well, geeky)! Vday pick from there would have to be...

YOU Are Soooooo Attractive - pair of magnet rings

Don Moti has some gorgeous jewellery with the Couple Reminiscing Ring being my outstanding pick (see below). Would be so beautifully nostalgic for a longstanding couple.

Perhaps not everyone's idea of a great gift, but I quite like this:

Taken Ring by Maureen Duffy, who also does personalised rings amongst other pieces.

What would I get my Valentine?

One Potato Two Potato - a heart-shaped potato picture book by Uber Tuber and one day this pair of couple rings by Piccini.

What would you get for yours?/What are you getting yours? Do you have any plans for Valentines Day? How would you want to spend your dream Valentines day, and what do you really want to receive?

2010-02-13T15:55:00.002+11:00

Where to start? No more procrastinating, as I need to prepare myself (as well as my home) for CNY, which begins tomorrow! Today is already very special, as it's NYE, and the excitement is building up! The special NY candies are already set out, and my dad has been preparing a feast for tomorrow. I wish I'd taken photos to show the anticipation — last Sunday I was in China Town with my family and there were already lion dancers out and about!

Before I get ahead of myself, let me wrap up the rest of this year.

Awhile ago, D and I went to the Powerhouse Museum. There's an 80s exhibition on, which was pretty cool. In my opinion the best part was the party room, where you'd choose which 80s NYE countdown party you wanted to attend and the room would light up with flashing party lights and music. Too bad D was busy listening to the history of Hip Hop in the 80s, and no one but babies seemed to want to dance...

Part of the 80s exhibition was a gaming section, which of course included Pacman!

D beat me of course, being a gamer, and me being... well, unco. There was also a giant Pacman layout on the carpet, but they were taking it down before we got to take a photo D: Oh well, D did say it wasn't an accurate layout since the entrances/exits didn't line up...

D trying to see how much power he could generate in a fire engine by pedaling... This shot was meant to feature me instead, but the bike was very uncomfortable. It had no seat? and I was wearing a skirt...

We also found out, at a different exhibit, that we generate a lot of electricity together ;D

D removing the background from our photo to be turned into an animation, featuring us!

Done!

[I'm trying to upload the two videos I took of our animation films... but photobucket is still being an ass.]

And here's what I thought of the day! d^^b

Actually, that was me in the library — I was trying to master geek chic, but I'm really a nerd as my being in the uni library during the holidays points out... After the Powerhouse Museum, we had our first encounter with 'Hot Pot' at Haymarket Hot Pot as I'd just read a review on grabyourfork the night before. I initially protested as it was menat to be a hot day, but it turned horrible and rainy on us, so D got his way. The staff were lovely, especially considering we both didn't speak Chinese, and the usual attitudes upon hearing that I don't are usually unfavourable to say the least.

Last Thursday, I went on a picnic with my G Family. We hadn't had a proper reunion with everyone together for perhaps over a year? The G Family, for those of you who don't know, are my lovely Communications girls. I adore them so much! Anyway, in my excitement I decided to make something special for the picnic...

Left: Mini Pizza Rolls (really more like bacon and cheese), Right: Mini Cinnamon Buns

Mini Oreo Cheesecakes

Apologies for the crappy photos, but I'd only have these as I'd snapped them quickly with my phone to send off to D. I don't even have any photos from the picnic! I was enjoying myself way too much and forgot! The other girls did take photos though, so as soon as they're up on facebook or whatever I'll steal myself some.

Note to G Family: Thank you, my lovelies!! Am totally missing Kat's gourmet sandwiches, Joey's mini croissants and Mandy's snickerdoodles (which I still maintain should be renamed Cinnamon Cloud Cookies!), as well as our Epic Jenga Battles! P.S. I'd totally love to see photos!

That's enough for now. Hoping to update on my thoughts and feelings on CNY and Valentines Day tomorrow. To all of you, I wish you and your families all the best in the Year of the Tiger, and that Valentines Day reminds you to treasure your loved ones instead of buying into the hype. Lots of love and smiles!

Coming Soon: Powerhouse Museum and other adventures...

2010-02-03T23:59:00.003+11:00

Ooooh yeeeeeeeah, I went there!

Michael Jackson's sequined jacket and single glove (worn at the 1983 Grammys)

Details coming soon!

glass cookies tower

2010-01-29T16:10:00.004+11:00

Today instead of my planned forage into the art of making chocolate mousse, and perfecting Japanese soft cheesecake, I took a detour into the world of construction.

Towers are wonderful things. Despite my initial impressions of my uni (I recall on my Orientation two years ago that I found it reminiscent of a car park...), I now find myself defending its (deliciously) ugly architectural exterior as a matter of patriotism(?) and pride. We're currently in the process of expanding our campus and there have been many design applications for the new buildings, so here is my little contribution...

Sugared Walnut Cookie Tower

The foundations of this cookie tower remind me strongly of these wonderful boots I came across today.

Glass Wedge Heels by Queens Wardrobe

I imagine these as a gorgeous twist on Cinderella's glass slippers, only less delicate, more modern and edgy. If only I had the money for these beauties. They're leather and handmade to order! New crush? I think yes, despite what my brother says about them looking like ice skates, and jokingly suggesting I could keep fish in them à la The Simpsons.

Sprinkle Cookie Tower

Not only am I attempting to master cookies as a form in general, but I'm also (not-so-)secretly trying to find/recreate this wonderful sugar cookie recipe from preschool. I don't think they ever gave us a copy of the recipe, and nor do I remember it, being a preschooler and all, but what I do remember is that they were perfect! Buttery, sugary, and easy enough for preschoolers to handle. My favourite part was cutting them into shapes and smothering them in sprinkles (note: hundreds and thousands are not sprinkles!). They smelt so good in the oven and well, in general. We'd only get a few to take home to share as there were quite a few of us at the preschool, but I remember treasuring the them. Summing up: they were sooooooo good!

Chocolate Chip Cookies — guest starring chunks of Snickers, Toblerone and Lindt Dark Chocolate — Tower

Smaller in size than last time, as even though my brother thinks bigger is better, he soon discovered I was right (mini is cuter and cuter is better!) when we struggled to pack some of the last batch into his lunch box... I made about 50, I think, so the boy will be happy with his portion.

See the heart? Yeah, that's a little hint. I'm preparing a post full of Valentines ideas, although I'm no means an expert as this is technically my first 'real' one. Never thought I'd be an advocate...

2010-01-25T23:14:00.002+11:00

Ahh! It's been awhile, indeed. I've no excuses except for holiday lethargy-inducing monotony. As you'll soon see I'm all ready for it to end and for uni to begin... Yes, I received my offer, as cockily-expected, to return to Communications. Props must be given to my dear friend, Ashley, who got her offer. The below is from our reunion escapades...

For the srs busns student in me. I imagine accompanied by my nerd glasses BD and holding on to my dreams with steadfast resolution!

For those more lighthearted 'this is the life' days...

For the 'zomg-I'm-so-hyper-right-now!!!' days

All from Morning Glory. The sign said 8 for $10, but I was pleasantly surprised when I got to the counter and was only charged $5! Bargain!!

Hit Kinokuniya in search for more cute things, as that was Ashley and I's goal for the day, and walked out with...

Excuse the icky sticker remanants that I regret attempting to peel. Plan to cover them with a sticker again -.- but yes, organisation all sorted! The solid coloured files are punchless and can hold up to 100 sheets. Yay! The lovely Ashley taught me how the work... I'm so silly hahaha.

Oh yeah, and I've been baking... Tonight I had it in my head that I was to bake chocolate chip cookies, but I'd misplaced my recipe, so I tried a new recipe and...

Gorgeous, easy-to-handle, crispy on the outside, chewy and soft on the inside, chocolate chip cookies!

Did you say, 'king me?'

The last of the Melting Moments I made making a guest appearance...

Poor little survivor has a chip missing... but look at that gorgeous white filling...

The answer to all my problems...

2010-01-07T14:46:00.004+11:00

Yesterday, I went shopping with the bf. Didn't end up buying much at all, except a (not-pictured) singlet (dress?) for $9.95. What I've discovered? Is that he's amazingly patient and helpful, so I'm super lucky, right?

The answer to all problems...

Miracle Body!! Modeled by mister miracle body himself hehehe

Wonderful Chicken? Sounds like a super hero? More like a super villain...

2010-01-05T14:03:00.001+11:00

Today my family went on an outing to Carlingford to get something for my bro's computer. However, apparently the place is closed from the 25th to the 6th, although I swear it said the 4th. Whatever, we're going back on Thursday and apparently I'm to drive there... Eek!

Anyway, we made the most if it and hit the Asian grocery store there and my bro went crazy with chip-buying, so we ended up getting half a dozen packs of Asian chips. I bought two packs of these "Donut Chips" as the packaging was super cute! Once we got home we couldn't wait to try them and opened three packs...

Cutie Donut "Chips"

I was hoping these would be cute little donut biscuits, but I guess my hopes were too high... They tasted alright. A bit like a mix between that Corn Pops cereal and Cheerios, but major disappointment! I'd bought two packs in hopes that they were good and to give The Boy the other packet, even though we're junk food detoxing this month... but they're crap so whatever.

Wonderful Chicken

My bro opened his first packet and we were both excited because c'mon it's wonderful chicken! But no. We were let down greatly. However, I was amused by its nugget-like appearance. Tasted baaad even though it apparently has MSG in it. Pfft! I thought MSG was meant make things taste good?

Fried Chicken

Our third attempt to console our tastebuds after our two disappointments... my bro opens the pack and exclaims, "OH NOOOO! IT'S ANOTHER WONDERFUL CHICKEN!!!" Cue me cracking up for ten minutes straight, then on and off for another fifteen, gasping "wonderful chicken" between breaths. And alas, it was another "wonderful" chicken, in all its artifical chicken nugget wannabe form. Tasted just as horrible too.

So there you have it, Wonderful Chicken is not your friend. We've agreed to chuck these out on the way to work as we don't want to put this crap in our bodies. Ewww!

Chipa chipa away your shell and come to me!

2009-12-31T13:38:00.002+11:00

Be happy, 2010 is a little egg of opportunity waiting to hatch!
^{Okay, that was lame, but I just wanted to use this picture... ;D}

Mmm... I'm feeling really lazy and unenthused/unimaginative, so I leave you with my resolutions for 2010.

Resolutions
- update both blogs at least once per week
- complete the 30 day shred (not necessarily over 30 days)
- give the gym a go
- be healthier and fitter
- get p's
- retainer/floss
- moisturise & exfoliate regularly
- send mail on time
- improve resume
- learn cantonese
- find out exchange opportunities
- be happy
- give camera a more frequent work out
- save money

Will/have/are you making any New Year's Resolutions?

What did you do in 2009 that you'd never done before?
Fell in love; experienced heartbreak (albeit temporarily); eaten kangaroo (jerky), emu (jerky) and crocodile (jerky), sashima; organised and gone on an independent holiday + more

Did you keep your New Years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I can't remember mine so no doubt I've broken them... and yes, I will.

Did anyone close to you give birth?
Nope, but a good high school friend is expecting and excited!

What countries did you visit?
Zero :C

What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
Progression in my university degree... D's & HD's!, family acceptance of a certain important thing... a proper job/moneyyyy

What date from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory?
Love and it's ups and downs, and hopefully those ordinary times in between

What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Falling in love; not giving up; realising what I want to do (study/career-wise)

What was your biggest failure?
Wasting a year in Business, not handling certain things better

Did you suffer illness or injury?
Nothing significant *knocks wood*

What was the best thing you bought?
Dougal the Cancer council Bear? Oh, my Prada glasses frames. Now I wear my glasses almost always

Whose behavior merited celebration?
Umm... mine? The Boy's? *shrug*

Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Mine at times, The Boy's at times, my parents' at times, a certain friend, uni admin, Telco I temporarily worked for

Where did most of your money go?
Clothes, shoes, food, drink, public transport, The Boy, Blue Mountains trip

What did you get really, really, really excited about?
The Boy ♥

What song/album will always remind you of 2009?
Neorago - Super Junior, Lies & Haru Haru — both by Big Bang

Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. Happier or sadder? Happier
ii. Thinner or fatter? No idea
iii. Richer or poorer? Can't remember

What do you wish you'd done more of?
Thought about consequences and how to handle my family, as well as my future/career path/education

What do you wish you'd done less of?
Spending money!

How will you be spending Christmas?
Eating... hahaha

Did you fall in love in 2009?
And how!

What was your favorite TV program?
Mmm... Master Chef!

Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Hate is a strong word...

What was the best book you read?
This collection of translated short stories from HK, Taiwan and Singapore.

What was your greatest musical discovery?
N/A

What did you want and get?
The Boy.

What did you want and not get?
Peace, family acceptance, progress in uni!

What was your favourite film of this year?
Toss up between Ponyo and Up

What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Let's not talk about my party, but the actual day. On the day I turned twenty, I was at The Boy's house and he gave me the most perfect day ever ♥

What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Family acceptance

How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?
Developed.

What kept you sane?
The Boy, my friends (some more than others), myself, my family

Which celebrity/public figure did you like the most?
N/A?

What political issue stirred you the most?
The economy...

Who did you miss?
My communications friends

Who was the best new person you met?
The Boy

Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009:
It will happen, most likely when you least expect it. You'll find one another.
Keep your head up.
Fight for what you love.
Don't give up.

Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
So, it says 'a song lyric', but this explains why I'm still listening(/obsessed?) with Nobody by the Wonder Girls... (English version)

I'm working tonight, so I hope you all have a fantastic NYE, and wish you all the best for the new year ♥ See you then!

2009-12-30T13:38:00.001+11:00

Meant to update today because I had things to say, like how I was a good girl and took my brother shopping today without making any major purchases (underwear is an essential!), and how I'm a little OCD about being organised. Well, actually I am updating and telling you these things, but I'd planned to be witty and turn it into actual content.

Instead I'm just going to showcase my main organisational system for 2010.

^{Top: Not pretty $3 Wall Planner. Bought to match the one I gave the boy spontaneously. Cool feature is that it uses stickers as a symbol to indicate an event/whatever.
Bottom Left: My tiny 2010 Diary with card to emphasize size. Really didn't plan on having one that small...
Bottom Right: Shiny star stickers to use to indicate my every day small achievements. Yay reward!}

Tomorrow I'm hitting the shops once again, but not seriously as it's just groceries and Kmart. I'm to make trifle to serve to diners on New Years Eve, but I've run out on ingredients and also need to find some nice bowls to present it in. Hopefully Kmart's sale will help me there. 40% off bakeware (—I'm finally getting those shaped cupcake trays {see below} and a biscuit tray courtesy of my brother re: belated-Christmas), so I'm assuming there'll be something in kitchenware too. I'll also be baking banana cake again as the bananas are perfectly overripe for such an occasion, so a chance to showcase the results of my new bakeware on the blog perhaps?

Most importantly, I'm starting the hunt for the perfect (or closest to perfect) organisational tools for when uni goes back. I start in March — ages away, I know — but I'm restless even now. I need to be prepared and thus get this situation under control as best as I can right now. Supposedly off topic, I'm really feeling the ~~colour~~ shade white right now. It's just so classic/gorgeously fresh and clean, at least when done properly. I guess it's because I'm still lemming this Kikki K diary (see below), which is not only out of stock, but also way past my budget, not to mention the facts that I'm horribly messy and already have my 2010 diary.

Back on topic, the goal of tomorrow is to find the perfect filing transport system for my uni notes. Taking three subjects next semester, so want something that will ensure my papers aren't crushed/ripped/dirtied, easily accessible, separated by subject, hopefully not requiring a hole puncher, not of a size bigger than a4 or as thick as a binder, and able to fit up to ~80 sheets in total. Does such a thing exist? The only thing I can think of is to get three a4 clipboards with an inside pocket, so I guess that's my last resort...

Wow, I guess I lied, and I didn't even get to ramble on about how my Gmarket (Korea based online shopping site) is totally over $300... In my defence, that includes shipping and that's 22 items! Okay, I know, I'm working on culling it... C'mon under $300! I'm so dead.

books, brainwaves and a large, warm cup of mania

2009-12-29T01:20:00.001+11:00

Gosh guys, I think I need to be institutionalised. My mind is manic for shopping, and boy, are the end of year sales not helping.

I should be good considering The Boy has just told me he's spent his last shopping day in Malaysia buying things for me. I'm spoilt, I know, but I can't help scoping out the online sales and wanting to be let loose! I've actually gathered a few of my "picks" and am planning to post it later in another entry because now I'm going to subject you to my Boxing Day splurge — purchases from the bookdepository!

It's been ages since I've bought myself books. In fact I can't remember the last book I've purchased. Don't get me wrong, I love going into book stores and drool over them as much as I do clothing, but for some reason I've not walked out with a book besides textbooks... I think it's got to do with the prices and the fact that my shallowness has meant that the opportunity cost of books is too high when I could get a shirt/skirt/dress for the same price instead...

To prove my point, let's get to the nitty gritty and compare prices before I get to the lovely part where I ramble on in anticipation for their arrival.

Book Title	Author	Borders Price	Book Depository Price
Eleven Minutes	Paulo Coelho	$20.95	$8.29
Shanghai Baby	Zhu Wei Hui	$18.95	$9.82
A Concise Chinese-English	Xiaolu Guo	$24.95	$13.10
Dictionary for Lovers
What the Chinese Don't Eat	Xinran	$27.95	$14.74

^{Notes: I may not have picked the same editions for book comparisons as it wasn't possible for all, but I did pick the cheapest option for each. All prices are in Australian dollars. Book title links lead to book reviews.}

Difference, much? Altogether my brother and I got 5 books each (I also bought my first moleskine) for $132.20. That's an average of $13.22 per book, which is pretty good, although it's actually less if we discount my large moleskine (~$18.00 — still at least $6.00 cheaper than here!).

Can you see a pattern in my book consumption? Lately I've been taken with Chinese literature whether it be originally an English text or translated. I found a book in my university library before final exams, which was a collection of translated short stories by authors in Hong Kong, Taiwan, Singapore and Mainland China. Of course I snapped it up — study time well spent. Later on after exams, I was waiting for The Boy who was running late due to a communication mishap, and wandered into Dymocks where I discovered A Concise Chinese-English Dictionary for Lovers, but couldn't afford it at the time (and price). I've been aching to get my hands on it since then and cannot believe I didn't think this genre existed!

I'm really excited as it's opening new paths for me. I've been thinking about this direction a lot now, especially if I get accepted back into the Communications degree because this is something I could work with. Something I'm interested in and I can hopefully develop into my strength and area of study. This is something I can do! It's something that I love, being books and culture, as well as serving to help me understand my own culture and history better, which in turn allows for further self development. Can't go wrong, right?

Lastly, I stumbled across Asian Review of Books, which is now my go-to for when I need a new book! It also led me to the Department of English, City University of Hong Kong, which I'm going to look into for a possible exchange. Hello, new opportunities and goals!

2009-12-26T13:36:00.000+11:00

Unfortunately this is the only form of Santa that was present for my Christmas. However, I'm old(er) now hahaha so really, presents don't matter much to me. What mattered was that my family and I had a well-deserved night off work. This only occurs once per year on Christmas, hence being special.

The above Chocolate Santas traveled all the way in my luggage from the Blue Mountains. We've yet to eat them, but chocolate keeps, and they survived the Summer weather for this long, so I'm sure they can handle waiting a little longer. I'll give you the verdict later.

I didn't go completely without gifts. I received a nice hand cream from my friend as part of Secret Santa/Kris Kringle, and another friend dropped by unexpectedly on Christmas Eve. Thus, her gift, holds an extra nice meaning to me. For the curious, it's a pair of red sunglasses. Perhaps I'll take a pic later, although they're not really my style, but that doesn't matter. The Boy is also bringing me something from Malaysia when he comes back in the New Year. So really, I'm lucky, and have a lot to be thankful for.

Tomorrow we're planning to check out the shops. I woke up at 2:15pm today and don't regret it at all. The Boxing Day Sales just don't appeal to me in their craziness. My dad did ask me if I wanted to check them out (ie. the City Myer, which opened at 5am...), but even though shopping is one of my weaknesses, I draw the line at that.

What did you guys get for Christmas this year? And are any of you planning to brave the post-Christmas sales?

Dear Santa

2009-12-24T13:35:00.000+11:00

I started composing this entry on notepad (♥) sometime after 2am, but got distracted by The Boy on MSN, so here it is in all it's lateness.

Dear Santa,

So it's probably too late for this, since it's Christmas Eve and all, and if there's something Christmas movies have taught us — being the age of superficiality and Hollywood — it's that Santa's countdown preparations are in full swing; no time for late wish lists like mine.

But that's okay, this year has already given me plenty to be thankful for. Yet here I am with a wish list that's long overdue, just to, you know, keep in the spirit of the season. With less than 24 hours to go, I may as well play it up and go by the list's literal meaning.

0. Acceptance — Secretly, what I want most... I hate conflict. I suck at dealing with it, so really, what I want most is acceptance of my decision, if not acceptance of my mister by my family.

1. $$$ — Okay, don't we all? But I'd really love some cash to splurge on updating my wardrobe...

2. An Asus Eee PC or equivalent notebook — Since I've decided to return to Communications *knocks wood*, this would really come in handy. Not that there's anything wrong with my current laptop, but the portability of a 10" notebook > 15", which is much too heavy for me to bother with. Studying would be much more efficient. I could type up notes or blog entries on the train (okay, on off-peak commutes), in lectures, in tutorials, in the library, in cafes... the possibilities are endless. It would save me a lot of effort given the heavy research/note-taking nature of the subject.

3. Moleskines or substitute — Especially important if 10" notebook is but a pipe dream. One for absolutely everything, one for occasion, and one to turn into my Adventure Book (courtesy of Up, so three at least?

4. Baking Stuff — Let's start with the practical. I'd love some new baking trays, particularly a proper, flat cookie tray as I don't have any... I'd adore a couple of novelty trays, especially the Wilton 'Cookie' cake pan, the Wilton 'Cupcake' cake pan, and most realistically Willow sillicone heart shaped muffin/cupcake tray. Also affordable, and thus realistic, cute cookie cutters. Less affordable, a kitchen scale and a new temperature accurate oven...

5. A Holiday — This originally was a higher priority for two reasons. One, because I really wanted to be with the Boy, but now there's a little over a week until I see him and whilst I'd still like to be with him over there, it's really better to just let live.

More minor things include a subscription to the Japanese magazine Vivi (best fashion mag ever), bras by Chloe and Lola Lingerie (best fit ever), Onitsuka Tiger Sneakers, boots, casual shoes, a domain, a new bag for uni, new books to read, Cantonese lessons, a gym pass, new perfume (mine's running out) and the perfect sunglasses that I've yet to find.

I'm off now to (re)watch Ponyo with my bro, so Happy Holidays to you all ♥ I leave you with these Chocolate Chip Cookies I made because I'm too old to leave them out for Santa.

2009-12-20T13:32:00.000+11:00

One of my loveliest friends stayed over last night and we had a lot to catch up on. So much so that we haven't even gotten half of what we need to say to each other off our chests. This also meant I had to (attempt to) clean my room...

In addition to that there's work and the fact that I no longer feel the need to be attached to my computer/internet 24/7 — at least for the meantime. I have a shrewd suspicion that I'll relapse in my msn addiction when the boy comes back, but for now, let's all encourage this healthy step.

What have I been doing when not working/sleeping/eating/internet? Playing Just Dance on the Wii and backseat driving my brother as he makes his way through Super Paper Mario. A lot of Wii action happening considering my bro just invested in a PS3 not long ago... My bad!

Oh yeah, I've been baking too. This is the result of one surprisingly cool Summer day, my new mini heart pans, and the overripe bananas as a result of the average boiling weather.

Baked chocolate chip cookies tonight! More on that tomorrow.

everything but the kitchen sink?

2009-11-23T00:28:00.004+11:00

I'm going on an adventure!

Yes, I say 'I'm', as unfortunately — as evident in the photo — there's no room in my bag, even for a cute little teddy bear... Luckily, I'll have a more than adequate substitute, but that's not the point.

So what is?

Well, considering this bag is at full capacity (let's hope it doesn't burst when I add my make up, phone and toothbrush tomorrow), let's guess how long I'm going away for...

A month? Two weeks?

Wrong.

Three nights. At least Beary (and co. !) won't miss me that much, right?

On top of that I'll be lugging around an additional bag, most probably equally as giant. Its contents? Five containers of Soya Chicken, 3 large pieces of Char Siu (Barbeque Pork) and a large bag of Stuffed Chicken Wings — all frozen of course. Luckily the 40 degree weather won't be continuing on tomorrow...

Unluckily, I'll be looking like a bag lady hobo, but who says that's a bad thing? Hobo chic is in!

On a more serious note: What happens to homeless people on terribly hot days such as today? I took refuge in my air conditioned home, and later my air conditioned work, finding additional comfort in my 48 pack of Zooper Doopers. What do they do — what can they do when they have nothing?

Oh, and by the way, I'm headed to the Blue Mountains. Thank goodness the weather is taking a cooler turn, as my parents are worried about the bushfire scenario there. Luckily, at present there's none in the area I'll be staying. Fingers crossed it remains that way!

2009-11-15T01:07:00.000+11:00

Tweeted already, but I'm still somewhat amazed. I ask what kind of sound toast makes, out of the blue, and he knows exactly why I'm asking such an odd question. Just like that. My face is set on high beam - silly grin.

Sweeeet! Just like a white chocolate toblerone... mmmm ♥

I've not told anyone yet, besides the Boy, obviously, and two friends, but writing a children's book is now on my List of Things To Do In Life (LoTTDIL, 'coz I can). When I announced this randomly to the former, he was surprised at my having such a list, and whilst is true that I do, until know it's only existed in my head, thus leaving too much leverage. These aren't exactly goals, but things I want to have a chance at doing for fun, so I thought I'd start cataloging them here. So, for formality's sake, off the top of my head, my list thus far:

1. Attain a kitten
2. Attain a puppy (& force 1. to befriend 2.!)
3. Write (and attempt to illustrate) a Children's Book
4. Learn how to dance (?)
5. Learn the drums

On the topic of Books and Things To Do, inspired by Up, I've convinced the boy to make a My Adventure Book with me. There's also a post I'd like to do on Up and 500 Days of Summer that I'll hopefully get to one day... I even have dot points jotted down so to not make that post would be a waste!

Officially, uni restarted (for me) today. In reality, I'll start tomorrow... Three mid sem exam results out and I'm sweet so far, so fingers crossed for the killer exam's result. I'm extra nervous because I was meant to help the Boy with it and I feel like I sort of convinced him to take the subject. I know he wouldn't hold it against me, but I know for a fact we both found it insanely hard, so my fingers are crossed so tight that we'll both manage to pass! I was told on the weekend, that I must learn to enjoy life, which I guess is somewhat refreshing compared to parental lectures in general, so I'm trying to channel that and just let go. Its nice to have lighter shoulders. Who knows, maybe one day they'll turn into wings, and I'll truly be above it all. ^o~

2009-11-15T01:00:00.000+11:00

I've been wanting to give my camera a work out as it's been sadly neglected, but for one reason or another I keep forgetting. So for now you'll just have to make do with this snap of me webcamming last night with the Boy. I hadn't webcammed in ages, since that little session with cuties Vy and diva!Hieu, so here's my little commemoration. Perhaps it'll become a ritual for me. I like having these little snaps to keep as hopefully these little snippets will provoke the full memory later on down the track when they begin to fade from time.

Kitted out in my makeshift sleepwear and my little bed time entourage ♥

And to make up for cutting him out of the above snap (that is only half as happy without him), here's an awesome shot of him breaking!!! because I'm a fangirl kekekeke ^^y

He's the ~~sexy~~ one in the foreground (and middle) ♥

Tonight there's only a 1.25L bottle of Coke to keep me company as I attempt in vain to amass enough accounting knowledge to save my butt tomorrow in the exam. It's horribly set at 9:00am so it looks like I won't be getting much sleep tonight... Wish me luck!

trouble

2009-11-02T23:08:00.005+11:00

I mentioned in my last post my tendency to splurge come exam/assignment time. Here's the damage...

Kini Bikini Miami Knit in Black

Can you believe it took me almost an hour to make this purchase — twenty or so of those minutes spent discussing colours with the boy!? At various stages I had all three of the different coloured versions in my cart. Curse the no try on facilities of online shopping! I've always been horrible at visualising. Add in the fact I can't go wrong with black, white or red...

Red was the boy's pick. You know he's something special when he signs online after he gets your text asking his opinion which colour bikini to get. Unfortunately, whilst appearing red on the website (or at least on the boy's and mine), it said 'coral' in the listing, and after researching that coral and red did exist in the available designs (in general, not in the particular site's available stock), we decided not to take the risk.

Wow, two rather large paragraphs on choosing swimwear colour. What has become of me?

Keeping with the girly feel I present:

Tsumori Chisato for Shu Uemura

I have a major soft spot for cats. They bring the cutness factor for me! This range is also inspired by Le Petit Prince, which also has a special place in my heart so it's only natural that I lust! Whilst the above highlighter pact is my favourite, I'd have a more practical use for the below palette being shades I'd use all the time, although it looks a little shimmery for my liking...? Oh well, it's not like it's in my price range anyway at $69 and $130 a pop respectively.

sweets.

2009-10-31T15:35:00.005+11:00

I am without inspiration regarding blog layout, or rather, headers, so make do with my temporary anti-header. What I'd really love is to make some cute baby/mini cakes myself and to use them. However, exams are looming ever closer so that will just have to wait.

This conveniently leads me to my current flight of fancy - sweets. My apathy towards business and my love for communications/culture/cantopop has me forsaking a day of study in favour of finally following through on my open invitation to communications tutorial. The topic will be Cantopop, so how could I say no? I've been waiting for this since the beginning of this year! Sadly, it will also be the last time it will be taught due to the new degree structure eliminating this subject...

My anticipation is such that the other night I dreamed I'd accidentally missed it! I was so distraught, being 20 minutes late for the tutorial after having an intense conversation with a like-minded individual about communications, that I'd ignored a security guard, which ended up with him having to interrupt tutorial after I'd finally made it there.

Not only is it the topic that I'm excited for, but also the company! It will not only be a farewell (to the subject), but also a reunion for me with not only communications and intellectual stimulation, but with friends.

Thus, in celebration (& to show my appreciation), I'm brainstorming what sweet treat to bring in keeping with tradition. I'd much prefer to make something, but again, exam study limits my available time. To keep with tradition, it must be yummy and Asian. Right now I'm deliberating which China Town bakery to endorse (I'm leaning towards Savoy or St Honores for some Taro & Green Tea goodies), and perhaps dropping by Thai Kee IGA (Market City) to pick up a packet of Asian sweets...

caged

2009-10-29T20:14:00.002+11:00

Procrastination has fueled me to compulsively refresh everything from bloglovin to facebook, the online (uni) blackboard to email... and arriving in my email an array of online newsletters and catalogues, including asos.com.

I now have an irrational urge to splurge on this baby:

At £28, or rather, in my current financial standing as 'poor uni student', this would not be a wise decision. Plus, I've a tendency to splurge during times of stress and in procrastination, so I'm abstaining. It's much wiser to invest in hair care, plus with the current paypal promotion ($20 cash back to Australian paypal holders when purchasing from a participating overseas retailer), it's much harder to say no. Shiny, happy hair, here I come!

Time to "justify" as a reward by hitting my target deadline of completing Finance revision notes...

P.S. Best scent in the universe? Residual cologne from the loved one that stowed away on your dress...

2009-10-25T15:36:00.000+11:00

I've been extremely slack at blogging and, well, every other aspect of my life. Whilst last week I knocked over the last of my assignments, there are two weeks of university left, and less than two weeks until my exams start. Thus, I've not much to update except that all is well, and to share this with you.

Simple, but striking and effective. This ad is sitting on the remains of a wall that faces my university's library. I was waiting for the lights to change with my coffee in hand, sleep-deprived and worried I'd not make my presentation in time, but this made me forget everything.

I think its sad though, that this ad, whilst extremely effective in its realistic approach, uses real shoes and real jeans that could find a better use on a real little boy. Or perhaps my choice of 'better' can be debated as there is no doubt that this ad is not effective. I just hope that it does not just shock, but also motivates people into action.

2009-10-05T23:58:00.000+11:00

I'm currently addicted to playing Cafe World on Facebook. Sad, I know, but I seem to be attracted to food themed things. I'm dying to see Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs, in 3D of course, and am making the Boy promise to come with. Celebrity Master Chef also started last week, although I've yet to catch an episode.

Uni starts again tomorrow after my short, but sweet, mid semester break. I've many things to update about, but my alarm is set to go off in six and a half hours.

For now all you need to know is that life is a piece of cake.

Enjoy!

2009-10-01T23:32:00.000+10:00

Saturday, if I'm correct, it's the Mid-Autumn Festival, and even though its Spring here, my family plan on having its own little celebration. I'll report back afterwards with the details and anything I learn. I'm wanting some of the snow skin mooncakes though, but they're expensive in comparison to normal mooncakes, which are already quite expensive. Hopefully I can catch some on sale when I go back to uni next week, as I'm conveniently located close to China Town.

Back on track, here's my attempt at Japanese Style Soft Cheesecake that I baked last night, which I've decided is my little contribution to the celebrations, as its based on the full moon.

This is actually it upside down because it looks ugly the right way up, but see the resemblence? Please excuse the chipped plate.

Will Pac Man eat the Ghosties? Or will Pac Man be eaten? :O Chomp. Chomp. Chomp!

There are some improvements I want to make to the recipe as I found the amount of lemon juice I used to be overwhelming and some other things, but it was so lovely and soft! I think I'll try some other versions before I try my altered recipe of this again, but if anyone wants it just give me a shout. Mmmm *licks cake crumbs off fingers*

I feel that it should be noted, as every good day should be noted, that today was a good day. I read a post by The Scientress on The Benefits of Hugging a little while ago whilst blog hopping, and seemed to really take comfort in it today. So for the sake of that and the lovely weather today, today was a good day. ♥

Now I blush from accidentally linking the boy to the Benefits of Hugging instead of my makeshift moon cake. Damn you, photobucket. Damn you!

2009-09-30T21:40:00.000+10:00

So, I think I may possibly know one of the reasons why I've been procrastinating. At least with things concerning university. This has revealed itself to me after getting off my butt and actually doing something. Lesson learnt? Don't try.

I kid, I kid.

But seriously, this rather huge setback should not stop me from following my dreams. However dreams are like bubbles, they keep you floating and thus inevitably can pop.

So, whilst I sit here contemplating wth I'm going to do now/near-future/rest-of-mylife, throw some career possibilities at me? I've unfortunately allowed myself to become seriously perturbed regarding my future, career-wise, that is.

How I wish I could just become a super baking, bento-making, domestic goddess supreme! But alas, I live in the real world where money is needed to fund those things and there is a world outside of my dream world bubble — a bubble that is, unfortunately, just as thick as my terribly thin skin.

I am ashamed to admit that yes, I did have to fight tears at work over words, as I'm not used to words not being my friends. Okay, that was lame, and I'm unashamedly lame, which means the previous sentence makes no sense? Now I've gone and confused myself, but that's okay because I'm in a better mood now after venting to a good friend and the boy.

So to end this ramble, not akin to my originally planned ending that was something along the lines of "I want to be a lean mean fighting machine! Tell me I'm a lean mean fighting machine. Rawrrrrr! Raaaaaaawrrrr!!" Or maybe I will end it there...

Kidding!

I'm going to go bake my sorrows away. :P

2009-09-30T14:19:00.000+10:00

Hahahaha! I lied >.< I've accomplished barely anything on my To Do List and even taken steps backwards, thanks to losing my Cursed usb. This usb has been deleted entirely of its contents (including my study notes on entire subjects prior to exams and completed drafts of assignments!), been through the wash (with the same contents) and survived, yet I still haven't gotten the message to back up my work until now. *head desk* Good bye first three pages of Accounting Assignment.

On to the happy, yesterday I had a very rare night off work, and spent it lounging around at the boy's house before we hit the movies to see Up in 3D! It was awesome as we got the new cool looking plastic 3D glasses as opposed to the old cardboard red-blue ones and they didn't fall off my non-existent Asian nose! Too bad I didn't snap a pic — perhaps I'll shoot one later. We ate a massive amount of popcorn and finished the night with Bananarama Easy Way ^o~

Note the glasses are too big for my no nose and head...

Up was wonderful and I highly recommend you to go see it if you haven't already! One of my friends had tweeted saying that it had her in tears a lot more than she thought, and I was so intrigued as the boy and I had thought it was just a family comedy type. I was so close to wiki-ing the plot! Anyway, now I completely understand and regret donning mascara... thank goodness for those 3D glasses!

Today I hung out with the family, or rather my parents since my brother has exams, and we went to a Campbells Cash and Carry — a wholesaler — then out to an early lunch. I love going to Campbells and exploring the candy and chocolate selection *G* Sadly I left emptyhanded, unless you could the gigantic jar of honey mustard sauce ♥, since I'm indecisive and the variety left me overwhelmed... Again, sadly, whilst lunch was a nice outing, it left a lot to be desired in terms of taste. Would never recommend that restaurant again. Or the bakery. Eww.

Must stop dreading and do: Email!!!, Accounting Assignment, Get off butt, HSBC info, Clean room, Find shorts

Looking forward to: Tomorrow, Friday with the girls, happy snaps!, epic fruit smoothies tonight, attempt to bake soft Japanese cheesecake

Must: Somehow con boy into photos!

2009-09-26T16:37:00.000+10:00

Mid sems are over, as of yesterday, but I decided on an early celebration splurging on these babies on Thursday.

I really need to work on my photo aesthetic skills...

Most expensive pair of shoes I've ever bought, but I've been lusting over these for almost a month now, and have been wanting shoes like these for the past few months. I've figured at age 20 it's time to master the art of wearing high heels, and as these are wedges this is a nice way to start. The SA was telling me how comfortable they are, and after trying them on I heartily concurred, however after yesterday's effort my inexperienced feet were doing a little disagreeing... No real complains though as the boy agrees that these look hot and I can't evolve from a baby giraffe in just one day.

A lot has happened lately, well not really a lot, but things that have me making mental notes to blog about like the incredible dust storm on Tuesday — I wish I'd taken photos(!) — and, well, okay, not really that much. Just expect more frequent updates from me!

Things on the agenda: Compile budget; make concrete plans for next week; accounting MYOB assign; finance assign; find usb(!!); email re: uni; email re: Friday; clean room (?) (!!) (D:)

2009-09-20T01:13:00.000+10:00

Subject is all sorts of appropriate given that it's 1:00am, the first entry, and well, that's all I guess. We'll see how these subjects sort themselves out... I'm not too fond of numbers.

This. This is what (impending) exams have reduced me to, namely accounting.

Such an auspicious start, no?

My one a4 page, double sided, "cheat sheet" for Finance because I know you're all dying to see. I've been a productive little cat, haven't I?

Promise there'll be fun-er times ahead! That is if I make it through so wish me luck!

Introducing the sexy Holothuroidea!

2009-05-03T16:15:00.000+10:00

How I hate graphs. And economics. Booooo! And not the cute kind of boo, like when you're being all cute :3 and trying to scare someone, like Boo in Monsters Inc. (note to self: re-watch Monsters Inc!), but the sad kind, as in "boo, you suck!"

Now for today's culinary foray into the land of azn street cred and impotence cures, let me introduce the humble sea cucumber (See Diagram A).

Diagram A

Fallen in love yet? No? Okay, how about this?

"Sea cucumbers have become the “oyster” of the Chinese market with locals proclaiming the aphrodisiac qualities of the worm-like delicacy. Regarded as the “sexy slugs of the sea”, sea cucumbers are being used in soups, stews and braised dishes in countries like Indonesia, Malaysia, Singapore, Japan, Korea and China to steam up kitchens and bedrooms alike! The sausage-shaped echinoderms, which are found on the sea floor worldwide, are also said to
offer excellent medicinal properties."

I'd say that that's one... provocative PR release right there. Good job, Hughes Public Relations. Now, tell me again why I didn't stick with Communications when I could've (with some persuasion) ended up being hired by them to write such saucy writing pieces?

Perhaps because the frugal, practical Azn side of me kicked in and was all like, "Money!! Must provide for family! No time to realise dreams!" So, here I am having a stand off with economics graphs wondering whether I'll give in and seppuku first or it'll have mercy on me and just hurry up and give my brain the final blow already, when I'm kindly offered sea cucumber, thousand year egg and celery soup. I quickly google-fu, and oh the irony(!)—sea cucumber is meant to increase one's longevity.

Not only that, but I'm also informed it's an aphrodisiac. With impeccable timing as always, the boy informs me he's getting ready to leave for Church, whilst I'm stuck here on my lonesome with my aphrodisiac soup.